The Talk
by Its'Noelle'not'Nole'5327
Summary: Natsu and Lisanna did it, so Mira wants to hatch an egg too. Wait, why did Laxus get dragged into this? Rated T to be safe.


Twelve year old Mira Jane wants to WHAT? Why did he (Laxus) get dragged into it? Well, someone has to set her straight.

If it's Fairy Tail, it's only natural to be unnatural, even at a young age.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, Mashima does an excellent job with his characters without anyone else.**

* * *

A sixteen year old Laxus sat in his own corner.

The brats hadn't stopped raving since Nastu and Lisanna had hatched the blue baby cat. Natsu was inseparable from the little guy (Laxus had a premonition they'd probably never leave each other) and he seemed to find great joy in taking care of the cat.

The younger generation also seemed to take a great interest in the welfare of the newly named kit, Happy.

Laxus didn't care in the slightest.

He had been sitting peacefully, or at least indifferent to the rest of the guild, listening to his own music when his hand had been grabbed by the oldest Take Over Mage.

"Then I'll go with Laxus and we'll hatch our own baby!" Mira Jane yelled at Erza, who had her arms crossed. Macao and Wakaba burst into fits of laughter.

"Waitaminute, what?" Laxus pulled his hand out of her reach, taking off his headphones. It was apparent the two girls had been in a fight, though he had seemed to have missed some important details leading up to this.

"Quit being stupid, Mira Jane," Erza snorted, "you can't hatch a baby." A baby? Was that what Mira Jane was going on about? Makarov seemed to be watching their argument with some interest.

And maybe just a hint of amusement.

"Help me out here," Mira hissed, jabbing him in the side with an arm. He looked at her incredulously. Like he was going to listen to a little girl.

"Ask someone else," he took his chair and faced it away from the scene.

"Don't be ridiculous," Mira tugged his chair around to face the group, "you're probably one of the few who could match with my power. So you're the obvious choice to help me." She was seriously getting on his nerves.

"Do you _want_ me to fry you?" Laxus stood up. "Because I can do that."

"All I'm asking you is to help me hatch a baby," Mira Jane rolled her eyes.

"Oh? Do you happen to have an egg?" Natsu crossed his arms, "because I won't find one _for_ you."

"I don't need one, stupid," Mira Jane rolled her eyes, "I've talked with others, and I know he can help me make a baby." Mira pointed up at the standing Laxus. Wakaba and Macao rolled on the floor, tears streaming down their cheeks. Laxus' eye were widening to the point he couldn't call this feeling 'incredulity' anymore.

"How could he do that?" Gray snorted, "Laxus can't make hatching-eggs."

"You're the stupid ones," Mira pointed defiantly, "because I know and you don't."

"Oh really?" Laxus crossed his arms, "how do you plan on doing this?"

"We have to be sitting on a bed in a dark room," Mira nodded deftly. Laxus raised an eyebrow. Makarov was sweating. She didn't really know how to make babies, did she?

"Then you have a jar of Mayonnaise," she continued, Macao and Wakaba were doing their best to not snicker, "and you give it to me while I crack an egg inside it." She seemed extremely pleased that she knew this information.

"It's life magic!"

Laxus facepalmed himself.

The two drinking buddies were about to drown in their tears.

"Well, if that's all you do," Master Makarov smiled good-naturedly.

"You obviously don't know how a baby is made," Laxus snorted as he made his way past guild chairs to another solitary seat.

"Then tell me," she said stubbornly, pulling on his arm to stop him.

"No," Laxus wrenched himself out of her grip.

"Tell ME!"

"Go bother someone else!" he barked at her.

"Tell me how if you think you're so smart!" she stamped her foot. Laxus was very close to robbing the little girl of her innocent mind when he noticed the dark aura sitting on the bar. Giving Mira what she wanted was the last thing Makarov wanted him to do.

Then Laxus knew he had to do it.

"Fine," he grabbed the little girl by the hand, "you're eight, right?"

"I'm twelve!" she exclaimed.

"Even better," he grimaced as he pulled her out of the guild.

"Laxus..." the guild master's anger surged around him, veins popping from his forehead.

"Isn't she a little young for 'the talk'?" Wakaba sweatdropped.

"Better now than later, I guess," Macao downed the rest of his beer.

"What is this 'talk'?" Erza asked suspiciously.

"Sounds boring," Gray stretched his arms above his head.

"Maybe if you kept your clothes on," Cana shook her head disapprovingly.

"Wah!" he looked down at himself.

"Maybe it's the secret plan on how to hatch a baby!" Natsu gasped.

Wakaba and Macao snickered again.

"Something like that."

Fifteen minutes later, Laxus came walking in with a shell shocked Mira Jane following, her cheeks flaming pink.

"Now, if you're done with this stupid hatching business," Laxus made himself comfortable in a secluded seat, pulling his earphones back up. Mira put a hand on them.

"I still w-want to hatch a baby," she was still red in the face, but her eyes were determined.

"Didn't I tell you?" Laxus was exasperated, "you have to-"

"You told me, you told me," she cut him off, the embarrassment still fresh, "but I can't let Erza beat me, so you are going to make me hatch a baby." Now it was Laxus' turn to flush.

"You have no idea what you are talking about," he snorted, trying to ignore the blood rushing to his cheeks, "I gave you a crash course, I don't expect you to understand the details of it all, but if you think I'm going to have se-"

"LAXUS!" Makarov roared.

"-hatch a baby with an eight year old, you're mistaken," he scowled.

"I'm twelve and it doesn't matter the age, I just want to beat Erza," Mira Jane slammed a fist on a table, making it crack.

"Then just duke it out with Erza like you normally do," Laxus turned his attention once more to the wall.

"Hold on!" Mira grabbed his shoulder. But Laxus gave her a piercing glare. She let go.

"Touch me one more time, and I will run so much lightning through your body, your hair will turn black," and just to prove his point, he let electricity jump off his shoulders. Mira Jan grumbled and stalked back to her brother and sister.

"I knew you couldn't do it," Erza grinned wolfishly. Mira glared at her, but there was also a cold smile.

"That's alright, because I've had 'the talk'," she retorted, "something you'll never get." Laxus groaned.

At least they had something new to fight about.

[]

A twenty-three year old Laxus sat in his solitary booth.

With the Raijinshuu gone for the day, Laxus had time and only time in his hands.

For some reason, his mind had wandered back to that day for a moment.

He glanced over at the white haired bar maid serving drinks with a smile. She was nothing like her old self. The others had changed from that time too. Just how long ago had that been? Seven years? Fourteen, now with the time skip.

How nostalgic.

Crap, he didn't need to think like that. He was beginning to sound like an old man.

"Dad! Dad!" Romeo came running into the guild, "you have to help me!" Macao leaned down to his son.

"What's the matter?"

"You have to help me figure this out," Romeo said with the greatest urgency.

"Well, what is it?" Macao all hands on deck for his son's cause.

"I have to figure out how to make a baby," Romeo frowned as he thought real hard. Macao nearly dropped his beer.

"Babies! Babies!" little Asuka clapped her hands.

"Hush child," Bisca picked up her little girl, trying to conceal her amusement.

"High time too," Wakabe snickered, "he's been innocent this long."

"It's a little early for 'the talk'," Macao muttered defensively.

"The talk?" Natsu tilted his head, confused, "I thought that was about hatching eggs."

"What are you talking about, Natsu?" Lucy looked bewildered. "Did no one ever give you the talk?"

"Why would they?" Natsu crossed his arms, "I hatched an egg without it."

Lucy slapped herself in the face. No really, this explained a lot.

"You could always ask Mira Jane, Romeo," Laxus had called out for some reason. Perhaps because the memory was so fresh in his mind and he was in a good humor. "Something about Mayonnaise and eggs." Mira blushed, but smiled happily, apparently remembering this incident as well."

"Though, if you want the quick explanation," Mira Jane addressed the little boy, "I would go over there and ask Laxus."

"The quick explanation?" Romeo tilted his head. Mira nodded.

"He taught me my first lesson," Mira was grinning too much for Laxus to be comfortable.

Laxus stared at the ceiling until he heard shuffling in his booth.

"Hah?" he looked over to see Romeo sitting in the seat, looking at Laxus with determination. He remembered a certain little girl who had given him that look.

"What do you want?" Laxus gave him the once over.

"Aren't you going to tell me how babies are made?" Romeo was waiting. Laxus shot Macao a look, but he was staring resignedly at the bar, as if Romeo's fate had been sealed. Laxus shrugged inwardly. Fifteen minutes oughta do it. Macao could always fill in the rest.

"What are you, eight?"

"I'm twelve!" Romeo burst, about to lose his temper.

Laxus grinned.

"Even better."

* * *

I thought it was funny.

Tell me what you thought. Maybe I'll write more.

and thanks for reading :)


End file.
